Whip It
by CeliaEquus
Summary: Lister catches Rimmer cleaning... and dancing. Disclaimer: I don't own Red Dwarf, nor am I making any money from this. Written for a prompt on LJ, and posted there originally. Why has it taken me this long to post it on ffnet?


Summary: Lister walks in on Rimmer cleaning… and dancing.

Note: This is AU after 'Legion', since the boys are back on Red Dwarf, and Kochanski isn't around.

Dedication: vejgeta9 requested a story along these lines, before actually writing one anyway. Sigh. I hope I've fulfilled the requirements nonetheless.

**This story was originally written for LJ, hence the different formatting.**

* * *

"Whip It"

"What the smeg is _this_?" Rimmer muttered. Kryten had taken most of the cleaning supplies to deal with a mess that Cat had created on one of the lower decks – Rimmer hadn't asked what the mess actually was – so when it came time for an impromptu spring clean he had to scrounge around the boxes they had taken from a derelict the previous day.

Wedged between boxes of cleaning salts he had come across a CD. 'CLEANING MIX' was written in red and blue on the silvery surface, and a piece of paper slipped out as he opened the box. Sitting back on his heels, he read the list of what were – presumably – song titles.

Rimmer glanced around, then shoved the paper back inside and snapped the case shut. Why not? Holly could play it for him somehow, and Lister would even stop making snide comments about his musical tastes.

Grabbing everything that he needed, he returned to their room. Lister had declared that he would stay out while Rimmer cleaned, to 'keep outta your way'. The lazy goit hadn't even bothered to pick his things off the floor. The Skutters would have to do it when they came around to vacuum later.

"Holly?" he asked.

"Yes, Arn?" Holly said, appearing in the mirror.

"Could you play this for me?" He held up the compact disc. Holly nodded, and a CD holder popped out of the wall nearby. Pleased, Rimmer carefully set the disc on the tray and nudged it back in.

"Anything else I can do for you?"

"That's all for now."

Holly disappeared, and the first song began.

* * *

As Lister approached the room he shared with Rimmer, he could hear upbeat music. It was a good couple of hours since he had hidden at the top of the Observation Dome, hoping that the hologram wouldn't find him and insist that he help.

When he got to the open door, he froze.

Dancing around the bottles of cleaning fluids on the floor, swiping the screens with a cloth and a flick of the wrist, was Rimmer. It took half a minute before the lyrics filtered through to Lister's brain.

_When a good time turns around_

_You must whip it_

_You will never live it down_

"Unless you _whip_ it!" Rimmer chorused, with an especially enthusiastic wipe. He then sprayed the mirror – which already looked ultra-shiny – and began to clean with smooth, swirling strokes, his hips moving along with it. Blinking, Lister tuned back in to the song, trying to force his eyes upwards.

"Whip it good!"

_Smegsmegsmeg_! Lister thought, his gaze drifting downwards again. The hologram was in his cleaning clothes, which consisted of his white shirt and shorts, non-slip shoes, and nothing else. Which mean that his arse was on display in the thin, almost see-through material.

_Crack that whip_

Memories of the Low Rimmer with a holo-whip…

_Give the past a slip_

_Step on a crack_

"Break your momma's back!"

Lister swallowed. He couldn't look away, not even when Rimmer spun around the next moment.

"You must _whip_ i… it." When Lister looked up, he saw Rimmer swallow. The movement drew attention to his neck.

"Hey," he said. He hardly recognised his own voice. "Whatcha doing?"

"U-uh… cleaning," Rimmer said. He held up the spray bottle; after a beat, he also held up the sodden rag. "Why? Come to give a hand, have you? It's about time."

The hologram may have been over his embarrassment by now (more or less), but Lister knew that his own cheeks were aflame, and not just from being caught out.

"Yeah, I can give you a hand," he muttered. Then he met Rimmer's eyes. "You can have both of `em, if you like."

Rimmer cleared his throat. "Then lift your things off the ground. The Skutters shouldn't have to clean up after you. It's bad enough when I have to, or when Kryten does. He already has to look after the Cat." He made a face. "Well? Why are you just standing there? Get to it, Lister!"

Lister smiled as he sidled forward, but he didn't move to pick anything up. Instead, he halted right in front of Rimmer.

"Not what I had in mind, Rimsy," he said. "Know what I had in mind?"

The next song had started (_Loving you isn't the right thing to do…_) and Rimmer squeaked out Holly's name.

"Music… off… now!" he managed to say. It seemed that he couldn't look away either.

"Nice dancing, man," Lister said. He raised a hand and ran his fingers up Rimmer's arm. If it wasn't for the slight vibration beneath the simulated skin, he could almost believe that his bunk-mate was alive, and not just composed of light and a bit of metal. The pulsing grew more pronounced as Rimmer shivered.

"Th-thank you," he said.

"Never knew you could move like that." He looked down, and then back up. Rimmer turned red, and gulped again.

"Yes, well… You never asked!"

Lister laughed softly. His other hand sneaked around Rimmer's back, then cupped his arse. The hologram jerked forward, and for a few seconds their bodies were flush. Then he backed off, dropping the bottle and the cloth as he hit the wall. Lister was left with both hands hovering in the air and a grin on his face. He started forward.

"I don't know what you think you're doing, miladdio," Rimmer said, his voice cracking. "But stop it right now."

"Are you _sure_ you want that, Rimmer?"

"A-absolutely."

"I think you're lying. I think," he touched the hologram's chest, "that you want this just as much as I do."

"…You do?" he whispered. Lister nodded, then kissed him.

* * *

The Skutters woke them as they cleared the clothes and fallen bottles. Rimmer sat up first, rubbing his left eye, and then stilled when he saw the robots. They, at least, were business as usual. God only knows how Kryten would have reacted.

"Gebckere," Lister mumbled, tugging his arm. Rimmer fell onto his back.

"What have we done?" he said.

"Donyarember?"

"Lister, you're making about as much sense as… well, as something that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever." He crossed his arms. Lister chuckled tiredly.

"Sleep," he said.

"But…"

"_Sleep_." He shuffled closer, threw an arm over his chest, and the hologram started to smile.

"Yes, Listy."

THE END


End file.
